The Surrogate’s Uncounted Trimester

Hi there,

How are you doing? You’re in the fourth trimester now and I know it looks a little different than when you had your own babies. There is no newborn baby keeping you up at night, you have a little more free time to relax and recover. Those post-birth hormones are still coursing through your body and you’re still riding the rollercoaster of emotions that comes after a pregnancy.

Only this time, instead of gazing at the tiny human you just brought into the world, those loving looks are directed at your partner and your kids. The joy you feel in bringing a precious life into the world is cast upon the family you grew that life for. You will never forget the looks on their faces when you handed their baby to them for the first time.

Can I get you anything? For the last nine months, there was so much focus on you and the sweet baby you were carrying. It was full of doctor’s appointments and phone calls, check ins and updates. You were at the center of this amazing journey and it was such a whirlwind. Now that the baby is here and getting to know their new family, things have settled down for you a bit. But I still see you. I see the physical pain you are in. You are sitting there amongst all your pillows with your witch-hazel soaked pad, your hair still wet from the long hot shower you just took while I set up a snack and a water bottle for you by the couch. I see the tiredness in your eyes as you care for your older children. As their mom, you do so much to look after them… let me be the one to look after you. 

I see that you are still pumping milk too. I am not sure yet if it’s for the baby you just gave birth to or if you plan to donate it for other babies in need, but we will have that conversation soon. I would love to give you tips on how to safely stop your milk production, whenever you decide you’re ready. Even if you want to stop right away, I am happy to support you in that choice. What you have done for this other family, that you have grown to love, is so wonderful and I see the sacrifices you have made in every step along the way.

Are you feeling okay today? I’m sure it can get a little lonely at times. You just finished carrying a baby with you everywhere you went and spent time building a beautiful relationship with the intended family, giving them frequent updates about everything from their baby’s hiccups to what food they made you crave. Your world is a little quieter now and it makes sense to notice all the emotions that come with this huge change. Have some grace for yourself. Any feelings that are coming up make perfect sense. Why don’t you text your friend and make a coffee date with her soon, or call your sister later? Have you started any new projects lately? Maybe there is something you can do around the house or with your kids to fill up some of your free time. I can help you come up with some ideas. Do you want to talk about the birth? I’d love to hear all the details about how it went if you feel like sharing. Let me make us some tea and I’ll help fold your laundry while we talk.

Our time is almost up now. Let me clean up your snack plate and refill your water. I’ll grab you a blanket so that when I leave you can curl up and read that book you were telling me you are so excited to start, or binge watch your favorite show. I am in awe watching you in your slow, strong recovery and I know that your family and the family you carried a baby for are so lucky to have you.

Rest up now, I’ll see you again tomorrow.

I’m here for you,

Your Postpartum Doula

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